If you think being selfish is a bad thing, think again.
Probably like many of you, I grew up believing that if I were selfish, it meant I only cared about myself, without regards for anyone else. It meant I walked over others, to get where I needed to be. It was considered rude, to say the least. Thoughtless, even. It was not something I strove to be, but instead, something I strove not to be.
Selfless, on the other hand, was something to strive for. Caring about others unmercifully, while putting my own needs aside, would clearly identify me as an ideal citizen. Or wouldn’t it?
In the business world, it’s easy to rationalize that taking self out of the picture would produce more effective leadership. Whether managing a small or large group, it would seem that by eliminating ones own needs; the load would be lightened in general. It would make sense that if we could devote more time to other peoples’ needs, we would be more effective in general, but it often doesn’t work that way. The unfortunate truth is that you often become less efficient as a selfless person.
As a selfless person, you overlook you own needs. How can you be an effective leader if you don’t know what you need? How will you hold fast to your values and beliefs about running an organization or managing a sales staff, if you are unsure of where you stand?
In being selfish, you will be giving yourself the time you need to learn who you are and what you need. But first, you will need to redefine the way you see this word. In other words, create a fresh new look for the same old word. Let’s look at the word: alone. When you hear this word, do you picture someone sitting in a large room feeling sad and lonely? Perhaps, but what if it doesn’t mean that at all? Picture a young mother reading on the beach by herself. Imagine that it is the first hour she has had to herself all day. To her, alone isn’t lonely or sad at all, but in fact, peaceful.
We can do the same thing by looking closely at the selfish person. Let’s redefine selfish in a way that creates positive, forward movement. We could describe the selfish person as one that is self-assured, clear about their goals, conscious of self and knows what they need to do to be successful. They begin each day with a clear-cut list of what has to be done and how it could be accomplished.
The person that is self-less, also has an understanding of what they need to accomplish also, but considers how his/her team will respond and adjusts the goals accordingly. Although that may sound like a thoughtful thing to do, the focus of self gets lost in this way of being, compromising what you know has to be done.
As an effective, selfish leader, you need the ability to be an active listener, without moving away from the ultimate goal. This is especially challenging, if you are conditioned to listening as a way to establish what needs to be readjusted. It often takes you away from what you already know is so, in order to appease someone else’s concerns.
Keep in mind that peoples’ concerns mainly stem from their own fear of failing. Although their concerns may be legitimate, these are the very same fears that stop them from having the success they are hoping to achieve. Your job, as their Coach, a fearless and selfish leader, is to help them see past what stops them.
Here are some steps to consider:
1- Listen actively, with the intent on making them feel heard.
2- Acknowledge concerns as real, because to them, they are real.
3- Give them a way to redefine their concerns, so their fears become the very same energy that no longer stops them, but moves them forward!
With some practice, you will see that staying focused on self not only makes you more confident as a leader, but that others will feel more confident about your ability also, as they see your strength that comes from within…not from the variables that surround your day. Soon you will see that everyone benefits from your selfish behavior!
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Lesley Moore is President and Owner of LifeScope, Life and Executive Coaching. She specializes in working with individuals in transition, empowering them to create a life they love and with professionals to help them bridge the gap between expectation and performance. She is also a Personal Fitness Trainer and a Freelance Writer. Lesley graduated from the University of Maryland with a degree in Journalism and has studied coaching through the Mentor Coach Program, which is recognized by the International Coach Federation. For more information about Life and Executive Coaching, visit her website at http://www.LifeScopeCoach.com or e-mail her at lessmore4@comcast.net. |